In the Winter of 2006, I had a meltdown in a puppy class.
Out of the blue, I was taken over by anxiety and deep regret.
I sat in my car to take a breath after wrestling a wild puppy from the classroom through the parking lot, as she hopped like a rabid kangaroo on her hind legs, barking at the top of her lungs, and lunging toward the other people and puppies.
She was the baby canine version of classroom angel, street devil. It was then that I began to feel tremendous anger, resentment, and utter hopelessness.
I started to freak out. I pulled out of the parking lot, my dog screeching out the window behind me, bouncing from one side of the car to another, and thought…
“Why the hell did I do this to myself?”
Within 24 hours, I was back in my neighborhood, desperately trying to tire this animal out. Avoiding all other living beings the best I could for fear of total loss of control and embarrassment. If I could just potty this puppy and get back to my house without a stray cat or squirrel crossing our path - today might be okay.
But that never happens. Humiliation it is…
There seemed to be no answer for us. Each class failed to tackle our particular issues. Spray bottles? Bitter apple spray? Pockets full of smelly treats that my dog couldn’t give a shit less about?
Ultimately, I’m told it’s her age. I’m told… she needs more exercise. She’s bored. You’re not doing enough.
Gentle leaders… clickers… shaker cans… and so much money… I had nothing to show for it. Nothing worked.
But here’s the thing… I’m a powerhouse of a woman. I have a thriving career, a healthy body, a loving family. I was living a life far beyond my wildest dreams. Yoga classes, incredible friends, a brilliant mind.
I am the most resourceful person I know. I’m everyone’s closest confidant. A respected colleague. A great partner.
This dog was my gift to myself. My inspiration to explore, to learn, to have the ultimate side kick. To have a sense of security, and a new purpose. Or so I thought.
I’m failing. I don’t sleep. I hate leaving my house. Incessant barking, coming home to destruction. I don’t want friends over. I’m avoiding society at all costs. A lunging liability… People cross the street to escape me and this terror.
Could I admit defeat? Could I quit? Could I live like this for another 12 years? Could I get rid of this dog?
I’d spent decades developing my sense of self, my will power and my purpose.
Am I really not enough?
I was in denial about my need for real help. For real sacrifice and change. I couldn’t look this dog in the eye one more time, feeling what I was feeling in my heart…. pure resentment. And shame.
Hours of youtube videos, google searches until my eyes crossed… article after article. Too many sources. Too many opinions.
I just wanted some sense of control…
Is this the beginning of your story?
Shoot me a message and let’s change the ending.
Let’s talk about how nothing you’ve done YET has served you… and how to get you everything you want. In a matter of weeks.
Handle your dog like a boss.
Go wherever you want to go.
Relax. Enjoy. Nurture.
Fall in love with your dream again.
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